Spring is here, shoving its way forcefully into our lives like a persistent Jehova’s Witness at a slightly open door. March daffodils, April showers and all of the May Bank Holidays await. In the meantime, here’s your horoscope.
ARIES: You will suffer the indignity of manually putting the clock forward by an hour. How old fashioned.
TAURUS: Luck appears as the very last Easter egg of the season before the Halloween stuff comes out.
GEMINI: Getting all of your Christmas ad ideas in before the other creative team will lead to fortune.
CANCER: Be kind to people this month. You don’t know how many of them are on Piriton.
LEO: Your soulmate carries a blue umbrella and the latest issue of Creative Review.
VIRGO: You will be tagged on Facebook in a pic comparing you to an over-excited spring lamb.
LIBRA: Mystery arrives in your life on one of those shiny new Routemasters.
SCORPIO: Take a jacket. I don’t care how sunny it looks.
SAGITTARIUS: Your chances of losing the draw and being the agency Easter bunny: 65%.
CAPRICORN: Love picks up the plastic chick that falls off of your dodgy hand-painted Easter bonnet.
AQUARIUS: A side career in Morris dancing could be the big break you’ve been looking for.
PISCES: Don’t poke the bluebells, they get angry.