There was one morning last week when I felt like crawling back into bed and maybe staying there until March. I’d received an email and a phone call from different people, both essentially saying ‘thanks but no thanks, Kady’, in the space of half an hour.
Those 30 minutes felt like hell. Getting 2 knockbacks on different days might have been bearable. Over a week, even easier to swallow. But to be rejected twice in the time it takes to knock up a pasta bake was downright horrible.
I did the only thing I can ever think to do at times like this, which was to call Mum and have a bit of a grumble. Angling for a ‘there, there’ and a pat on the head off Mum is the coward’s way out. I admit that. At the grand age of 27 I still ring her to rant down the phone. This made me feel worse about myself once I’d hung up, funnily enough.
At this point you might be wondering whether I’m getting to any sort of conclusion here, or how the hell this helps you. Hang on.
A bit later on that day, some more emails popped into my inbox. These were all super good news. Not ‘you’ve just won the Lottery!’, which would have been amazing considering I didn’t buy a ticket, but nice things. Happy things. Positive things.
I felt a bit better about myself, and also sort of stupid for wallowing about in my own misery like a self-absorbed copywriting hippo.
I called Mum back to tell her I wasn’t feeling so crap. Dad answered the phone. I considered hanging up on him. When it’s Dad at the other end of the line, you’re not going to get any sympathy. Surprisingly, he sounded concerned.
Dad might not be good at making soothing understanding noises, but what he does do quite well is advice. So I shall pass it on.
Feeling shit about yourself doesn’t mean you are genuinely shit.
Take a breath and let that sink in. You’re just as good as you were when you felt amazing about life and work and projects and tomorrow. And other people still think of you like that. Maybe not your Dad (mine would say he’s proud of me even if I lived in a dustbin) or the rest of your family, but people who aren’t contractually obligated to love you.
You will feel this way far more times than you ever want to, but while you’re having a proper mope other stuff is happening. Stuff that you might soon get in on, which will put you back in a good mood.
Don’t hide under a duvet like me. Heck, I’m not even doing that any more. So far in the past few days, I’ve visited a cardboard exhibition and live-tweeted highlights of the worst story about accidentally swallowing 2p EVER. Doesn’t that sound fun? You could easily be having at least this much fun.
Those of you at LJMU will be seeing me at this Friday’s FaceOff (seriously, go to it or we’ll kidnap your budgie). Go on. Get yourself out there. Put the smile back on your own damn face. And then tell us about it so we can make you look even better.