Let me guess. No one peels a satsuma quite like you? You’ve shown potential for holding the record for longest time taken to change a light bulb, but nobody wants to pay you for it. Maybe you should try doing both at the same time. Anything that can come between you and mind numbing work behind a counter where the closest thing to job satisfaction comes from spitting in burgers.
For your own sanity you might consider success as moving forwards in your pursuit of work. Standing on higher ground (even if it’s just a millimetre) than where you started; jobless, biting your nails and flicking them at the computer screen cos the application form just asked you what your weaknesses are. However you measure your elusive success, you’re going to have to start achieving it somewhere, so you might as well go in with a bang, or some buzz…or at least a fucking job offer. Here’s how some people went about it.
Antonia Foot doesn’t have a foot fetish, it’s just the name she was born with (some people need to be told that). She walked into a placement at BBH after sending in a foot shaped USB stick with her portfolio titled getting my foot in the door. Not to be confused with another individual who sent his shoe with name and email address into an agency also making parallels between his foot and their door. He didn’t get a sniff of a placement offer.
One creative duo jumped at the images of Boris Johnson hanging from a zip wire over Victoria Park and visualised him dangling in lots more wildly amusing situations, providing a template for others to get involved too. Everyone wanted a piece of poz Boz and after enough Photoshop treatment by enough people it was brought to viral attention. Said creative duos were rewarded with a placement at McCann London for their efforts.
One young aspiring individual tweeted, “Till I get a job.. My days will consist of snap chatting and tweeting!! #hireme”. – No. #justsaying #fail
Alec Brownstein created an advert to appear when the advertising agencies he had his sights on took part in a little self-indulgent Googling. When the agency was typed into the server the first thing on the page was an advert with a link to his website and online CV. Of the 5 agencies he targeted he got interviews with 4 and job offers from 2.
Jamie Varon, creator of twittershouldhireme.com won an acknowledgement meeting with twitter CEO but no whisper of a placement or job offer. She blared out in precisely 140 characters or less her desperation for a job at twitter minus professional sense or thought. Nothing tweets hire me quite like, “Hello. Hey. Hi. How’s it going? So, you want to know a little bit about me? Well, my name is Jamie Varon. I’m currently shackin’ up with my parents right now, since I am unemployed.”
Mapping was the name of the game for creative duo Richard Biggs and Jolyon White whilst on a tour of advertising agencies around London. After sharing an infographic of these agencies on a London Underground map one day, which was originally created for personal use, they saw they’d had 4,000 views. They went on to gain coverage across numerous blogs and spread their work.
The result? A meeting with senior partners of Creature of London in Shoreditch, a placement offered, and the added ego boost of Paris based Llllitl producing a Metro counterpart.
On the off chance that you forgot to read between all of the lines, here are some things we can all learn. Make sure you’re being appropriate and judge the tone you need for the person, agency or studio you’re speaking to. Just because you’re able to get noticed by the people you’re targeting, it doesn’t always mean they’re impressed. Make sure they’re noticing you for the right reasons. Try to relate yourself to the place you want to work in. It’s not all ‘me me me’. It’s more ‘this is me, and this why I’d be a great asset to you you you’. Remember that the people you want to impress are incredibly busy. Their discovery of your cunningly devised plan for them to see how brilliantly talented you are should require as little as time and energy as possible from them. Don’t be making it harder for yourself than it already is.
The road to job-hunting success can be paved with shit bricks. But while your out in the world, wiping down your bare feet and questioning why you ever pursued a creative career, don’t listen to anyone who EVER tells you to grow a pair. They’re just passing on the worst advice they’ve ever been given. Why would you want a weak and sensitive extension to slow you down on your path into the creative industries? If you must grow, then grow a vagina, cos in the words of Betty White, “Those things can take a pounding.”