Things I have legit done to save money

At some point in your life, maybe right now, you’re going to be skint. This might make you a bit desperate when it comes to saving money. 50p will become a thing of unimaginable importance, the difference between going without dinner and splurging on a couple of Freddos.

These are some of the sketchy and regrettable things I’ve done in the past to stay out of my overdraft:

Lugged a 2-litre flask of soup to work

Fuck, it was heavy. It was meant to be a money-saving way of lining up a few lunches for that week. I drank the entire fucking flask in the space of 4 hours. And then the agonising stomach pains started…

Fixed broken jewellery back together with No More Nails

You can’t tell. I swear.

Bulk-bought packs of 5p noodles

Stir fry is like Gen Y’s bubble and squeak. I’m pleased to report that I have since traded up to swanky packs of 11p noodles.

Experimented with the concept of the noodle box

Not the pot, the box. These bad boys were stacked high in Aldi, microwaveable for peak student laziness, and tasted vaguely like balsa wood and disappointment. Funnily enough, they appear to have been discontinued.

Stitched up everything in sight

Buying new threads is more expensive than sewing and darning, but it turns out that buying a sewing machine is even more bloody expensive than that. I have clothes which are made more from my own clumsy stitching than the original material.

Played ‘what’s left in the fridge?’ bingo

Results have included: curry-flavoured mackerel stir fry, lamb chow mein with rice, and one oven-toasted piece of bread covered in cheese and mayonnaise. Just call me Heston.

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